The gods and there very strange competitons
by Julie-Anna12
Summary: What happens when the gods deicide to have a two week event. From mankine contests to singing. Also featuring : god's got talent. But when the demigods get involved, only chaos can happen. Oh and the host gets turned into a cow, just your normal competition with the gods Thanks to topyeah19 how helped me write it
1. Chapter 1

The gods and there very strange competitions

It all started when Chiron and Mr. D where summoned to Olympus for an emergency meeting; to judge which male god and male demigods looked the best in a mankinie. As for the female demigods and goddesses they were all the audience. They would all be away for three days

Up on Olympus

Alright everybody let the mankinie competition begin shouted Zeus. The judges of the completion are Chiron, Athena, Artemis ( hopefully she doesn't turn all the gods and demigods into jack lopes before the completion can begin ) and last but very drunk Dionusty. And now your hosts Hal (topyeah19)and Jana (Julie-Anna12).

"Ok first up wearing Im such a womanizer mankinie he is the king of the gods the womanizer of the century, Zeus" shouted Hal.

Suddenly a very angry Hera shouted

"Hal you better run before I turn you into a peacock".

Then Hal shouted back

"Ohh yeah well at least I don't look like a cow"

and a very scared Jana started fearing for her friends life.

Suddenly there was a loud bang and in Hals place was ….. a red cow.

" Moo"?

It sort of looked like one of Apollo's sacred cows.

While everybody stared at Hal in shock Apollo jumped up on the stage and started running after Hal with a crazed look in his eyes and he kept shouting

"My cow where have you been you've been such a bad cow don't run away get back here right now missy or else I wont let you watch the makinie competition"

Hals thoughts

Ahh great you thought Apollo would have learned from the last time.

" Don't worry Hal ill get Apollo away ….. Again." shouted Jana

Then Jana turned to the cameras

" We will be taking a short break to get Apollo under control and Hal back to normal or at least as normal as she can be."

"MOOO!" Translation: HEY!

"oh be quiet you know its true and you're the one who got turned into a cow again."

"Moo mooo mooo " Translation: Whatever, at least I wasn't the one who - AHHH"

Apollo tacked Hal to the ground

"Hold on Hal I'm coming"

**So what did you guys think? Big thanks to my co writer Hal**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sup** **guys Hal ( topyeah19) here, me and Jana would like to thank everyone who reviewed and read it are story. We hope ya guys like it. Ohh and on the next chapter there will be a surprise with Percy and Artemis in it.**

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The god's weird competitions!

_Five minutes later_

" Hey guys I'm back, no thanks to thanks to the old cow." said Hal.

" Uhm what she means to say it thank you very much Lady Hera for turning me back, right Hal?" Jana asked while poking Hal in the ribs.

" Yeah yeah, anyway here comes Zeus."

Sadly though is was not a pretty sight. Zeus started to do the funky chicken, but his mankinie was a little bit too reveling. Artemis looked like she was about to throw up, Athena was horrified and Chiron looked like he would rather pole dance with Kronos.

But it seemed that Mr. D had way too much to drink, ( no shocker there ) he stood up from his chair screaming " YEAH! You go sister! Give me some of those hip twists! Work it!"

Thankfully Jana came to the audiences and most of the judges rescue.

" Yes thank you Zeus for that… interesting performance."

But Hal always had a way to piss off the gods. " Right listen up guys, there are paper bags under your chairs to throw up in!" shouted Hal. While Zeus looked like he was about to blast Hal into a million pieces, half the audience started looking under they're chairs.

_Five minutes later_

After most of the audience was done throwing up Jana came up" Alright guys next up is Apollo the god of the sun and music!"

But before Apollo could come up on stage, Hal jumped up on stage… well sort of. She was tied to a chair with duck tape around her mouth.

"Mhmm hmm mhm!" shouted a angry Hal. But you couldn't understand her because of the duck tape. "Uhh… why is she tied to a chair?" asked Athena. Jana just shrugged and said" well since every time she opens her mouth she nearly gets herself killed, its safer for her this way." Mr. D who was still very drunk asked " Apollo have you lost weight, ohh and I love what you've done with your hair, that look really suits you ."

Apollo came up on stage. "Apollo is sporting a yellow mankinie with a… pink bra?" said/asked Jana. " Why a bra dude?" said Hal who somehow managed to get the duck tape but was still tied to the chair.

"I like to shake thinks up abit." replied Apollo with a hair flip.

Thankfully Apollos mankinie fitted him better than Zeus one, but it still wasn't a pretty sight to be seen. Then suddenly I'm sexy and I know it started playing, next thing you know it Apollo was wiggling his booty to the music. Mr. D got up on the judges table and shouted " Yeah Apollo show 'em how its done!"

While this was happening most of the audience was laughing or singing along , but Hal fell over ,still attached to her chair, laughing. Then the cameras turned back to Hal and Jana the latter was kicking Hal in the ribs to try and make her stop laughing. "Guys we're on!" said a voice behind the cameras. "Oh….. Hal get up we're on!"said Jana turnin to face the cameras.

"Okay we are going to take a break now." shouted Jana.

" Thank you Zeus and Apollo I won't forget those performances… no matter how hard I try." said Hal. Just when Zeus was about to blast Hal, Jana tackled her off the stage and probably saving her life.

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**Next chapter will probably be me and Jana interviewing the judges and Apollo and Zeus, Hades and Ares might be in this event to.**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hey guys Jana here sorry we havent uploaded in awhile someone managed to delete this chapter, and by someone I mean Hal. Ok now she shouting " technology doesnt agree with me" Anyway thanks to all you guys who reviewed we couldnt believe we got like a hundred reviwes for this story._**

**This isnt the real truth or dare, we'll do that later. Ps send us in some ideas if you have any funny ones**

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The Gods and their very weird competitions

" Alright guys welcome back to the events, today we gave the contestants the day off, lets follow them around and cause chaos! MWUHHA! " Shouted a slightly crazy Hal.

"Yeah she may or may not have brain damage from Zeus's performance. Anyway besides from Hals mental health problems lets get on with the show." said Jana to the cameras.

" Hey I don't have any mental he- ohh candy!" Then Hal proceeded to poke Ares.

_**Five minutes later of dragging Hal away from Ares**_

"Okay lets go into the Poseidon cabin and see what their up to."

In the cabin was Artemis, Percy, the Stoll's, Thalia, Annabeth, Hermes, Nico, Katie, Beckendorf and Selena. Yes they were dead but Percy and the gang beated Hades in strip poker, so they got another chance at life.

" Okay whose gonna start truth or dare first?" asked Hermes, while Hal kept screaming "the unicorns are after me again!"

"Uhh is Hal alright to play?" questioned Beckendorf.

" Ohh she's fine, isn't that right Hal?" answered / questioned Jana

"LOLLIPOP LOLLIPOP!"

"Okay Percy you can go first." said Jana trying to get the game started.

"Nico truth or dare?" "Uhh… dare." Nico said while puffing out his chest, likely to impress Thalia.

"Alright I dare you to shave Apollo bald."

From Janas point of view Nico looked terrified, everyone knew what happens when you mess with Apollos hair.

_**Ten minutes later and Hal going back to normal… well as normal as she can be.**_

Apollo was sunbathing in the sun. Everyone decided they would make him fall asleep by playing a nice relaxing tune… sadly Hal and the Stoll's had their own ideas. Oh gods.

Travis and Conner jumped out of the bush and started to do what looked like a rain dance. While they had Apollo's attention Hal sneaked up on Apollo with a giant hammer. You can all guess what happened next.

Yep that's right, Hal started doing the tango with the hammer, they were actually pretty good until the hammer slipped out of her hands and flew at Apollo, knocking him out and then it flew off the edge of a cliff.

"NO! Hammie we were so good together!" While Hal just sat and stared over the edge of the cliff mourning for lost, Jana couldn't take it anymore, she went right up to Hal and everyone thought that she was going to give an inspiring speech to Hal about how Hammie would want her to move on. Instead she gives her a chocolate doughnut. Weird.

While Hal kissed her doughnut over and over again while saying " I love you, I love you!" Nico started to get on with the dare.

_**Nico's thoughts: I'm gonna die, looks like Ill be visiting dad earlier than I thought. Oh well, Hal can keep me company, I mean she doesn't have very long with all the pissed off immortals after her.**_

Anyway after Nico was finished shaving Apollo and convincing himself that Apollo wouldn't find out his was him, Hal who had ate her doughnut 'claiming' ,"Romance dies eventually." Grabbed a pink can of spray paint and started to spray paint Apollo's now bald head. After she was done Jana read what she write.

_**Hal and Nico were here! P.s Nico shaved your head. P.s.s Nico says hi!**_

After Jana read that out loud, there was a soft bang. That was Nico having a heart attack.

_**10 minutes of trying to revive Nico.**_

"It wasn't that bad dude." said Hal to Nico. " Bad… I was legally dead for twelve minutes! I seen my father, he in his boxers singing I'm sexy and I know it! Thanksgiving is going to be really awkward now!" After Nico little rant they all decided to get on with the game.

"Alright Artemis, truth or dare?" asked a only slightly out of his mind, Nico. "Truth." She was later going to regret that. "Is it true that you and Percy are dating?" he said, asking the question that everyone was asking. Some looked at Nico with a proud face for having the guts to say that ( Hal, Hermes…), others started praying that he wouldn't die ( Thalia, Selena…).

Instead of answering she leaned over to Percy and gave him a kiss on the lips. Stunning everyone. Until Hal shouted " I am not wearing a dress for they're wedding." getting everyone out of there shock and making Percy and Artemis blush. Though only one person wasn't happy… Annabeth who had a look of pure jealousy, though only Jana and Selana noticed.

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**hope you guys enjoyed it**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hey guys sorry it took us so long to update school has started and we've been really busy.**_

_**And sorry this chapter isnt really that funnty but we wrote this in like 10 minutes, so we didnt have very much time to think of some funny stuff. Next chapter it will be funnier.**_

_**ps we will be doing a truth or dare soon but we didnt get very many truth or dares**_

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" Hey guys, uhh long time no see. Sorry about that. Okay the new contest is a singing contest, called God Factor.

Me and Hal picked the songs for the singers. Speaking of Hal were is she?" Jana asked the camera man ( Travis ).

Instead of answering he pointed to were Zeus was.

Hal and Zeus were singing to moves like jagger. But instead of jagger they sang jogger. Yeah no idea.

_**Five minutes later of Travis clapping and shouting encore.**_

"Hey guys welcome to the God Factor!" shouted Hal to the audience.

"On the judging table we have Apollo, Percy, Nico and last but not least Thalia!" Screamed Jana, " Okay first up is Hera singing a song Hal chose for her." After saying that she turned to Travis " Got your stun gun ready? Hal will need it for Hera."

" I should point out that the singers don't know what they'll be singing, but Apollo has put a spell on them so they'll know the words." said Hal

After the audience was done cheering Hera came out.

" Hera will be singing peacock by Katy perry."

The judges and most of the audience paled. Lucky or not Hera had never heard the song before. And liked that Katy Perry named the song after her sacred animal.

**I wanna see you peacock, cock, cock You peacock, cock You peacock, cock, cockYou peacock I wanna see you peacock, cock, cock You peacock, cock You peacock, cock, cock You peacock**

Realization could be seen on Hera's face, but she couldn't stop singing the song with Apollo's spell on her.

**Word on the street, you got somethin' to show me, meMagical, colorful, Mr. Mystery, eeI'm intrigued, for a peek, heard it's fascinatingCome on baby let me seeWhatchu hidin' underneath**

Jana started arming everyone with stun guns.

**What's up your sleeveSuch a teaseWanna see the showIn 3D, a movieHeard it's beautifulBe the judgeAnd my girls gonna take a voteCome on baby let me seeWhatchu hidin' underneath**

**I want the jaw droppin', eye poppin', head turnin', body shockin'(Uh, e, e, uh, uh, uh, e, e, uh)I want my heart throbbin', ground shakin', shoe stoppin', amazin'(Uh, e, e, uh, uh, uh, e, e, uh)**

Hera spotted Hal and started towards her.

**Are you brave enough to let me see you peacock?Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a biatchI'm a peace out if you don't give me the pay offCome on baby let me seeWhatchu hidin' underneath**

**Are you brave enough to let me see you peacock?Whatchu waiting for, it's time for you to show it offDon't be a shy kinda guy I'll bet it's beautifulCome on baby let me seeWhatchu hidin' underneath**

**I wanna see you peacock, cock, cockYou peacock, cockYou peacock, cock, cockYou peacockI wanna see you peacock, cock, cockYou peacock, cockYou peacock, cock, cockYou peacock**

**I wanna see ya**

**Skip the talk, heard it all, time to walk the walk**

**Break me off, if you bad, show me who's the boss**

**Need some goose, to get loose, come on take a shot Come on baby let me see What you're hiding underneath**

**I want the jaw droppin', eye poppin', head turnin', body shockin'(Uh, e, e, uh, uh, uh, e, e, uh)I want my heart throbbin', ground shakin', shoe stoppin', amazin'(Uh, e, e, uh, uh, uh, e, e, uh)**

**Are you brave enough to let me see you peacock?Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a biatchI'm a peace out if you don't give me the pay off**

**Come on baby let me seeWhatchu hidin' underneathAre you brave enough to let me see you peacock?Whatchu waiting for, it's time for you to show it off**

**Don't be a shy kinda guy I'll bet it's beautifulCome on baby let me seeWhatchu hidin' underneath**

**I wanna see you peacock, cock, cockYou peacock, cockYou peacock, cock, cockYou peacock, cock**

**Oh my God no exaggerationBoy all this time was worth the waitingI just shed a tearI am so unpreparedYou got the finest architectureEnd of the rainbow looking treasureSuch a sight to seeAnd it's all for me**

Hera was now strangling Hal while Jana and the Stoll's kept shooting Hera with the stun guns.

**Are you brave enough to let me see you peacock?Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a biatchI'm a peace out if you don't give me the pay offCome on baby let me seeWhatchu hidin' underneathAre you brave enough to let me see you peacock?Whatchu waiting for, it's time for you to show it off**

**Don't be a shy kinda guy I'll bet it's beautifulCome on baby let me seeI wanna see you peacock, cock, cockYou peacock, cockI wanna see yaYou peacock, cock, cockYou peacockI wanna see you peacock, cock, cockYou peacock, cockI wanna see yaCome on baby let me seeWhatchu hidin' underneath **

After the song was done Hera passed out from the guns, and Hal wasn't any better.

" Uhm we'll be taking a small break to revive Hal and strap Hera down before she wakes up." Travis said to the cameras.

Behind him was Hermes and Aphrodite riding a Chiron screaming " Giddy up pony."

Yeah there defiantly drunk


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys sorry we havent uploaded in a long time. We have been really busy doing other stuff.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed.**

**Oh and we would like to say that some of you guys have the coolest names.**

**And idontno34: Yeah its poker but if you fold or something you have to take off a piece of clothing. We've never really played it.**

**Anyway from now on we will be updating alot more.**

**Peace out topyeah19**

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_After th_ey revived Hal they all decided to continue with their truth or dare game.

But Hal has the attention span of a squirrel. So before the game started she made Jana and Travis go into New York for an hour.

"Alright let's go under cover you'll be Ms. Buttons, you will strike fear into your enemy's hearts!" You can guess who said that.

"Yeah Hal's been watching all the james bond films…." said Jana.

"Travis you'll be Mrs Botox, now go put on your costumes!"

Yeah that's a different story involving 12 burgers and 3 buckets of Botox and a very unfortunate Travis.

He spent 3 days looking like a very short stubby business man who had gotten hit lightning and then had gotten plastic surgery done everywhere and I mean everywhere.

Only it looked like it had been done by a 4 year old… who was blind… and had done it with a pair of safety scissors.** (Me and Jan have got nothing against blind people who have become plastic surgeons… just wanted to make that clear**)

Eventually after Travis was done complaining about his name Jana and Travis were in their "spy suits".

Jana's was a pink fluffy rabbit which had looked like it had gotten rabies and Travis's was an old pregnant lady with a Mohawk and a hairy mustache. Yep that won't draw attention at all… or give you nightmares about an old pregnant lady with rabies saying she was your mother. And Hal's, well her's was a baby costume. No idea why.

So after Hal and Travis had slid over some cars.

Which had got some very strange looks from everyone seeing a pregnant woman doing that. And Jana pretending not to know them by walking up to people and saying " What has the world come to?" or " Crazy people!"

Which could have worked except she was in a rabbit costume and Hal kept shouting " Jana take a picture, we're picking this statues nose!" every time they saw a statue.

Well they would have kept going but on the last one when Travis jumped up into the air to slide over it, the car decided to move away at that very moment. Which left a pregnant Travis on the road… and people taking pictures of him.

Then they heard the sirens.

"Oh-uh it's the coppers! You'll never take us alive!" shouted Hal.

"OMG my baby said her first words!" said Travis.

_**Back at the Cabin**_

"Where are they?" asked Selena. Yeah all the gang plus Hermes, Apollo, Athena, Hestia and Artemis were waiting on Hal, Mrs Botox and .

Then suddenly the TV came on

"We interupt your normal TV schedules to bring you all some urgent news. A baby, and old pregnant woman and a rabbit are involved in a high speed chase with police. Are sources tell us that the woman is named Mrs. Botox and the rabbit is Ms. Buttons." said the reporter.

"Apparently the woman and the baby were picking statues noses and singing Gangnam Style. We will go live to the action."

You could see a pink monster truck being followed by 7 police cars.

But that's not really what the gang were looking at. On the roof of the truck was Hal holding on to the window.

Travis sticking his whole body out of the window which you could see that he was heavily pregnant. That nearly gave Kate a heart attack.

Though you could hear him shouting "HELP I AM HAVING A BABY DON'T YOU SEE IM PREGNANT!" to all the people out walking while pointing to his stomach while Hal kept on singing Gangnam style.

And then the camera cut to Jana.

She was trying to drive and keep Travis from falling out of the window while screaming "Use two aren't helping!" at Hal and Travis.

While everyone's attention was on the TV Leo was thinking about how they had gotten a monster truck.

"AHHH IM GIVING BIRTH!" Yep Travis had decided at that very moment that he wanted to be a mother. People at home were probably thinking that the old woman had made some bad life decisions.

Which wasn't that true. I mean him, Hal, Percy, Nico and Leo probably shouldn't have took that zebra to Las Vegas. Because the Zebra won all their money.

After another five minutes of Travis shouting and Hal doing the moon walk on the roof.

Which led Travis to shout "Look how talented my baby is!"

And Jana looking like a mad rabbit.

Everyone in the cabin stood up and started to walk to the police station.

When they got their they saw Travis rolling on the floor, Jana saying she should have gone to college and Hal who was showing all cops how to do Gangnam style.

"You know they look alright, lets just go get some pizza." said Beckendorf

And that's how Jana, Travis and Hal spent their weekend in jail.


End file.
